Parents

Most couples remain committed to their relationships after becoming new parents: ��οstudy

Christopher.Sorensen — Fri, 23 Jul 2021 13:30:14 +0000

Most couples remain committed to their relationships after becoming new parents: ��οstudy

Christopher.Sorensen Fri, 07/23/2021 - 09:30

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Despite commonly held beliefs that parenthood puts a strain on relationships, a ��οstudy has found most couples make the transition while retaining a high level of relationship commitment and satisfaction (photo by Brandx via Getty Images)

Kristy Strauss

Topic

Breaking Research

Parents

Psychology

Research & Innovation

��οMississauga

Diaper changes, endless domestic chores and lack of sleep – all are potential sources of relationship stress as couples make the transition to parenthood.

Yet, University of Toronto Mississauga PhD student Nathan Leonhardt found that the extra pressure doesn’t necessarily lead to declines in relationship satisfaction and commitment.

Leonhardt’s work was recently published in the Journal for Marriage and Family. The study, co-authored with other Canadian researchers – including Leonhardt’s adviser at ��οMississauga Professor Emily Impett and Dalhousie University’s Natalie Rosen – looked at more than 200 couples from the prenatal stage to 12 months postpartum. It found that many of the couples retained high satisfaction and commitment into the first year of parenthood.

“The clear majority (81 per cent) of the 203 couples navigated the transition with high commitment and at least moderately high satisfaction,” says Leonhardt, adding that the team were surprised by how many couples successfully navigated the period. “And we learned that a huge differentiation as far as who ended up transitioning well were people that had good relationships going into this transition period.”

He adds that many of the couples who were most likely to successfully navigate the transition to parenthood had a more realistic outlook, didn't avoid emotional connection with their partner, felt their partner helped them grow as a person and believed their partner was committed to the relationship.

Leonhardt and the team found no differences between demographics such as age or additional stressors, including birth complications.

However, Impett notes that the sample of couples lacked diversity since most couples were white, well-educated and highly satisfied with their relationships as they entered parenthood transition. The vast majority were also married.

“I hope that our findings can be replicated and extended in more diverse samples moving forward into the future,” Impett says.

She says Leonhardt's work suggests that, overall, people should have reason for optimism going into parenthood.

“I think the focus on commitment as an outcome during the transition to parenthood is really important, and the take-home is that most couples ... remain highly committed. That should be music to many couples’ ears.”

Leonhardt says his research shows couples that it is possible to navigate the transition to parenthood successfully despite the commonly held beliefs that relationships suffer.

“I like being able to point out exceptions to the norm – to myth-bust a little bit,” Leonhardt says. “So with something like the transition to parenthood, I wanted to be able to see if we could break some of the common narratives and give people a little bit more hope.”

He stresses, however, that couples shouldn’t look to parenthood to save a troubled relationship.

The data showed that couples whose relationship was going well around five months prior to becoming pregnant fared best throughout the transition, he says, adding that those who were faring poorly during that period tended to fare worse throughout the transition.

“As a general rule, if things aren’t going well in your relationship, adding another person to this family probably isn’t the thing that you should be doing to try to resolve any relationship problems that you have,” he says.

Leonhardt’s advice for couples echoes his research findings.

“If you both go into [parenthood] with a sturdy relationship – you’re committed to this together, you’re realistic about both the challenges and opportunities that this transition holds – there’s a better chance that you’re going to navigate this successfully,” he says.

Fascinated by human relationships, Leonhardt says he would like to further examine why some couples might struggle in the early years of parenthood, and how some couples create a successful relationship for life.

“If you were to ask somebody about the best and worst experiences they've had in their lives, there's a high percentage of experiences that would have something to do with their relationship,” he says. “It's just such an integral part of who we are as human beings and how we come to understand ourselves – and what's ultimately most important to us in our lives.”

The research received support from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada.

When parents play favourites, what happens to the kids?

noreen.rasbach — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 04:00:00 +0000

When parents play favourites, what happens to the kids?

noreen.rasbach Mon, 04/01/2019 - 00:00

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Considerable parental favouritism is associated with lower mental and physical well-being for all children in the family (photo by Shutterstock)

Jennifer Jenkins

Sheri Madigan

Topic

Our Community

Ontario Institute for Studies in Education

Parents

Research & Innovation

The Conversation

Many siblings, when they get together as adults, joke about which child was loved the most. But is it really a joke or is there an edge of truth that still rankles us?

In one study, researchers asked adults whether their mom played favourites when they were kids. Close to 85 per cent of respondents perceived that she did.

But surely once we move out of the nest, our annoyance regarding sibling favouritism subsides? Not so. Upset from perceived favouritism appears to be long-lasting.

It is likely that we will fret long into adulthood over why a particular sibling got a better deal than we did.

Is sibling favouritism real or perceived?

It turns out parents do behave differently with their children and, of course, children have their different thresholds for noticing these differences.

Small differences in how siblings are treated have little consequence on their later relationships as adults (photo by Shutterstock)

Researchers have studied favouritism both by observing children as they interact with their parents and by asking children and their parents to report on their interactions. How often do the parent and child laugh or play together? How often do they fight or argue?

These ratings are then compared across the different siblings to determine if one child receives more positive or negative attention than the other.

One of the reassuring findings from these studies is that when the differences in how siblings are treated by parents are small, it has little to no consequence.

It is only when the differences are large that we see links to children’s health and relationships.

Parental stress plays a role

Research on all different kinds of relationships shows us that a big part of how we get along with others is about the fit of personalities. We find one person easier or more interesting than another. The same holds for parents and children.

Although most parents love and nurture all their children, they will inevitably find that they are more in tune with one child than another. One child is perhaps a bit more social; another is more ready to anger, a third finds learning easier.

These differences in how parents treat siblings have a basis in children’s genes. Parents treat identical twins, who share 100 per cent of their DNA, more similarly than they treat non-identical twins, who share about 50 per cent of their genes.

The more the personalities of siblings differ, the more their parents treat them differently.

Another driver of parenting is, of course, a child’s age. Parents interact with and discipline their children based on changes in developmental capabilities as they grow. Age and personality explain some of the differences in the parental treatment that children perceive.

But while age and personality play a role in why one child gets more from a parent than another, over and above this are issues of parental stress. When parents experience financial strain, mental health problems or partner conflict, differential parenting or sibling favouritism becomes more marked.

Impacts on physical and mental well-being

Unfortunately, perceived favouritism can create a divide between siblings. It is associated with siblings feeling less close to one another, both in childhood and adulthood.

This finding has been established for both perceived, as well as observed favouritism.

Carving out one-on-one time for each child every day is important (photo by Shutterstock)

Popular wisdom suggests that the favoured child receives benefits from their special treatment. While this may be the case when favouritism is slight, research suggests that none of the siblings benefit when it is more marked. That is, when favouritism is considerable, it is associated with all siblings showing less physical and mental well-being.

Reasons for this are not currently clear. It is possible that children are activated by injustice. Or perhaps even when they are favoured they fear falling into the realm of being disfavoured.

But most reassuring for parents are the findings that parental explanations for why they are treating siblings differently really change the experience for children. Explanations that focus on their different personalities, ages or needs are associated with lower levels of distress for children.

Five tips for fairer parenting

Be aware. The first step is to be aware that it happens, and to seek out help or support from partners, family members, friends or health professionals – to try to understand why it happens. As a reminder, playing favourites is more likely to occur when your stress levels are high.
Listen. When your child complains or you see fights between siblings in which they mention one getting more than another, try not to discount it. Be receptive to the child’s feelings and think about why they might be feeling this way.
Provide an explanation. Sometimes, children do need to be treated differently, like when one child is sick, hurt or has special needs. When this happens, explain it to avoid any misunderstanding.
Avoid comparing children. While it may be a natural tendency to say “why can’t you be more like your sister?” this sets up an unfair comparison. Try to focus on what each child does well, without pitting them against one another.
Carve out individual time for each child. As much as possible, try to find 10 minutes each day to spend one-on-one with each child so that each has your full attention. Do any activity that they love to do with you.

Sheri Madigan is assistant professor, Canada Research Chair in Determinants of Child Development, Owerko Centre at the Alberta Children’s Hospital Research Institute at the University of Calgary.

Jennifer Jenkins is the Atkinson Chair of Early Child Development and Education and director of the Atkinson Centre at the University of Toronto

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

New guidance for breastfeeding mothers on medication

sgupta — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 13:26:43 +0000

New guidance for breastfeeding mothers on medication sgupta Thu, 10/29/2015 - 09:26

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(photo by Barry Rayburn via flickr)

Katie Babcock

Author legacy

Katie Babcock

Parents

Most couples remain committed to their relationships after becoming new parents: ��������οstudy

When parents play favourites, what happens to the kids?

Is sibling favouritism real or perceived?

Parental stress plays a role

Impacts on physical and mental well-being

Five tips for fairer parenting

New guidance for breastfeeding mothers on medication

Most couples remain committed to their relationships after becoming new parents: ��οstudy